


The Man With The Box

by sylveondreams



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Fake Episode, Gen, surprisingly i think this is actually pretty funny good job middle school me, the doctor is also an original doctor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-16
Updated: 2015-03-16
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:08:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22162306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sylveondreams/pseuds/sylveondreams
Summary: Katherine and Selene Rox are two normal people with normal lives. Sort of. Selene is a lawyer, and Katherine is obsessed with explosives. Normal lives, that is, until they encounter a man called the Doctor. They travel through time and space with him, going to exotic planets, having fun, saving the world. Will it ever end? Hopefully not.This is a Doctor Who fanfiction. Doctor Who is owned by the BBC, not me. (Which is okay. They're a lot better at it than me.)(Imported from Wattpad, with difficulty.)
Relationships: The Doctor & Original Characters





	The Man With The Box

**Author's Note:**

> Not counting a few proto-chapters of this that are now deleted, I think this is the first fanfiction I ever wrote. It was posted on Wattpad under the title "Regeneration: A Doctor Who Fanfiction". There were going to be more chapters with lovely Katherine and Selene, but I unfortunately never finished any of them.

Selene sat at her desk, tapping her pen against the side of her head, trying to write a sensible set of questions to ask the witnesses for the prosecution.

Katherine, her wife, sat on the floor, alternating between tapping away on Selene's laptop and messing with a jumble of wires and powders. The lights were off, but the room was well-illuminated by the sunlight spilling through the window, which had the curtains pulled away from it.

Sparks leapt off a wire that Katherine was moving. She quickly cupped her gloved right hand over it so the sparks didn't hit anything and damage it. Katherine grabbed another wire and touched the end to the end of the sparking wire. She held the join with her gloved hand and clipped the wires together with her other hand.

Katherine tucked the whole affair of wires and things into an open briefcase and closed if. She removed the glove and tapped away on the laptop. The phone rang. Selene stood to answer it.

"Hello, Rox residence," she said.

"Selene, hello, it's Theo," said Katherine's old colleague Theo's voice.

"Why are you calling?" Selene asked in surprise.

"Well, if you aren't too busy, I'd like to invite you two over for supper."

"Why us?"

"I'm going to move to Sussex next month for another job, so I'm inviting my old work mates over for supper every day until I run out."

"Oh, okay. I'll ask Katherine." Selene covered the phone's mouthpiece and asked her wife, "Theo, your old coworker, you know, wants to know if we could come over for supper. Apparently he's moving next month."

Katherine nodded. "That sounds good." She picked up the briefcase and plopped it on the sofa.

"Katherine says that sounds good," said Selene into the phone.

"Great," said Theo. "I'll expect you two at six." He hung up.

"How long away is six?" Selene asked her wife.

"You've got two hours," answered Katherine. Selene sat down again at her desk and wrote down a question.

••••

Two Hours Later

Katherine sat on the sofa, waiting for her wife to finish getting properly dressed, of which Katherine had repeatedly stressed the unimportance. As a result, Katherine had donned a bright red t-shirt and jeans and Selene was putting on a dress of some sort.

"Are you done yet?" Katherine yelled.

"Almost!" shouted Selene back. "And if you have something explosive in your handbag, please remove it! I don't want to go on a social call and you to explode something."

Katherine made a face, even though she knew her wife couldn't see it. "You know I always carry something around, just in case."

"Well, please remove it!" The bedroom door opened and Selene came out, wearing a blue knee-length dress and heels.

Katherine sighed. "Selene, love, at least wear flats, not heels, if you're going to be dressed up. "

"Alright, since you insist." Selene retreated into the bedroom, kicked her heels off, and grabbed a pair of flat-bottomed sandals. "Are these good?"

"Yes, as long as they fit. Those are my shoes."

Selene put the shoes on. She nodded and grabbed her handbag.

The two exited their flat, Katherine slamming the door and locking it.

"You don't need to slam the door," Selene said. "And you didn't take your explosive out of your handbag, did you?"

"No."

Selene sighed. "Okay, but don't blow anything up unless you absolutely need to."

"Alright. I won't blow anything up."

They exited their building and Selene hailed a cab. One pulled up almost immediately. "Where to?" asked the cabbie in a heavy Welsh accent. Katherine told him Theo's address and he pulled out back into traffic.

"I wonder what sort of job he's got in Sussex," Selene said.

Katherine shrugged. "Maybe nursing again, but I can't imagine why he would want to transfer from the Royal Hope. As workplaces go, it's a rather good one."

"Speaking of which," said Selene, "you need to get a new job. One where you are actually allowed to blow things up. Like demolition."

Katherine made a face. "I don't want to work in demolition."

The cabbie pulled up at their destination. Katherine and Selene disembarked and Selene paid their fare. The cab drive away, leaving Katherine and Selene on the sidewalk.

"His building's very similar to ours," Selene remarked.

Katherine looked up at the building. "Yes, I suppose so."

"What number is he?"

"Two twenty-six."

They entered the building and walked up the stairs one floor, then found Theo's flat. Katherine pressed the doorbell button.

There was a shout of "Wait a moment!" from indoors, then a few bumps and the door opened, revealing Theo, grinning. "Hello, Roxes. Come in."

They entered his flat, Selene muttering to Katherine, "I bet he doesn't have gunpowder streaks on his walls." Katherine's mouth turned up slightly at the corners. Theo closed the door behind them and locked it.

Katherine sniffed the air. "I don't smell any food cooking."

Theo shook his head. "I was thinking we could talk for a little while, then I could go make something. It's a bit early, anyway." Selene nodded in agreement. "But," continued Theo, "if you want a cuppa, I've got some on."

"A cuppa sounds nice," agreed Selene. She and Katherine sat on the sofa; Theo leaned against the wall.

"Have you got another job yet, Katherine?" he asked.

Katherine leaned forward and pointed her finger at him. "Shut your mouth."

Selene smirked. "She's a bit sensitive about that. It's remarkably hard to find a job where it is not frowned upon to blow things up."

Katherine said, "You, too," and sat back again.

The three friends chatted for a few minutes until there was a whistling from the kitchen. Theo left to get the water and Katherine excused herself to go to the toilet.

Selene remained on the sofa, looking at the books on Theo's bookshelf, most of which were about botany and looked terribly boring.

Theo reentered the sitting room with three steaming cups of tea, which he placed on the table. "Katherine's in the loo?" he asked. Selene nodded. Theo grinned in a quite disorienting manner and smacked his hands together. His form flickered for a second, as if it wasn't quite sure he was actually supposed to be there, and then, quite suddenly and without much fanfare, there was no longer Theo there but instead a huge black bug-like thing with fearsome claws and foot-long fangs. An electronic-looking device hung on a belt around its waist, green lights slowly blinking on its surface.

Selene stared at it in surprise and shock.

It snarled and said, in Theo's voice, "You're not quite getting it, are you, Selene? I'm not having you over to eat dinner, I'm having you over to be dinner."

Selene screamed. She had meant to scream "Katherine!" but instead merely screamed "Help!"

There was a humming whistling noise at the door and it flew open, revealing a man wearing a black coat and holding a device that was glowing blue and emitting said noise. The light and sound stopped and the man tucked the object back into the inside left pocket of his coat.

He smiled, a friendly smile quite unlike Theo's disconcerting grin just before he had turned into the creature.

"Hello," said the man, a Scottish accent shaping his words. "You called for help? I'm the Doctor, here to help."

_A/N: Cue opening credits._

Selene stared at the man, the Doctor. Here to help? Seriously? That was a bit...convenient, wasn't it?

"Well, come on," he said. "You don't want to be eaten, do you? Get out of the flat and come with me."

Selene jutted her thumb in the direction of the lavatory, which the creature was blocking both of their ways to. "My wife's in the loo."

The Doctor's face fell. "Oh. I see."

The bathroom door opened and Katherine emerged, a hand towel clamped over her nose and mouth and the goggles she always kept in her handbag over her eyes. Something was gripped in her free hand that was emitting a dark grey smoke. Selene quickly grabbed a pillow from the sofa and pressed it against her face.

Katherine stopped and stared at the creature for a moment, and then she lobbed the smoking thing at it. Selene stood up and ran out the front door, shoving the Doctor out. Katherine was the last one out, slamming the door behind her and stuffing the towel under it. Selene pushed the pillow under the door as well.

The Doctor asked, "What just happened there?"

"There was a thing that wanted to eat me and Katherine threw a smoke bomb at it," answered Selene, thinking that that was perfectly obvious.

"Who are you?" Katherine asked.

The Doctor replied, "I'm the Doctor."

"Yes, that's nice, but why were you in the doorway?"

"I was tracking an alien to this building and I heard someone scream for help. I figured it was probably the one I was looking for, since it's carnivorous."

"Wait, an alien?" asked Selene.

"Yes," said the Doctor, "pay attention. That's what I do. Save people from aliens."

Katherine groaned. "Now I just want to go home. No carnivorous aliens there."

The Doctor shook his head. "No."

"How do you mean, no?" Selene asked, outraged.

"He's going to be bent on eating you. You're his prey and he won't rest until he's eaten both of you. His species, the Torrel, find their prey by pretending to be one of their species and befriending them. They will wait a while before they eat people because they can store their food in a sub-stomach that gradually feeds the food into the real stomach to sustain the Torren's energy levels."

Selene looked at him weirdly.

"Anyway," continued the Doctor, ignoring the look, "we probably ought to go."

"Go where, if we can't go home?" Katherine asked.

"To my TARDIS," said the Doctor, and did not elaborate.

Selene sighed and glanced at Katherine, engaging in a quick and silent moment of deliberation with her wife; then they followed the Doctor down the stairs.

When they were only about halfway down, there was a tremendous crashing noise from upstairs. They all looked up.

"That'll be the Torren coming out," said the Doctor. "Faster!" They sped up and exited the building. The Doctor pointed left. "We need to go that way."

"Why?" asked Selene, following him nonetheless.

"My ship is that way."

"Your ship?"

"My ship. It's called the TARDIS."

"That's not a word," commented Katherine.

"It stands for Time And Relative Dimensions In Space." They turned a corner into an alley, where a large blue box sat, its windows glowing serenely in the shadows of the taller buildings around it. "Ah, I'm glad to see it's still there. There have been multiple occasions when it hasn't been, which, as you can imagine, caused quite a bit of a problem," remarked the Doctor.

"That's your ship?" Katherine asked disbelievingly. "It's a bit...small, isn't it?"

The Doctor ignored her, hurrying over to the box and unlocking the door. He shooed the women in. They stopped in the doorway, and then Selene backed out slowly and ran around the box. She arrived back at the door, saying, "But--but it can't fit all of this."

There was a snarl from the end of the street, and the black thing--he'd called it a Torren?--appeared around the corner. It began to come down the street before Katherine and Selene's view was cut off by the Doctor closing the door.

"It's...bigger on the inside," marvelled Katherine. Selene nodded wordlessly.

The Doctor headed up to the central console, taking off his cost and flinging it over a fork in what was sort of a column, but was not exactly straight up or anything columns normally were, except for touching both the ceiling and the floor.

There was a scratch at the door.

"It'll get in!" cried Selene.

"No," said the Doctor calmly.

"No? The door's made of wood!"

The Doctor leaned against the console, looking at them. "You couldn't get through that door with an atom bomb, not with the shields up."

"Wouldn't the radiation get in?" asked Katherine.

"No. I don't believe I caught your names."

Katherine walked up the short length of stairs to the console platform and sat on one of the spinny chairs on the edges of it. "I'm Katherine Rox, and the pretty lawyer over there is my wife, Selene Rox."

"You may call me Mrs. Rox," Selene said.

The Doctor dipped his head. "Yes, ma'am."

There was a thump at the door, then another thump. Scratch. Scratch. Scratch. Scratch. Thump. Scratch. Thump.

The Doctor remarked, "Well, I guess it's time to go." He turned around and flipped levers and switches on the console.

The great column in the middle of the room lit up bright blue, reflecting off of almost every surface in the room. The light churned up and down within the column, making a loud wheezing groaning noise. The room shook, spinning Katherine around on the spinny chair so she had to hold on tightly and catching Selene by surprise, sending her off balance had making her grab onto the coatrack next to the door, which was empty except for a very long, multicoloured scarf.

"Why don't you hang your coat on the coatrack?" Katherine asked the Doctor.

"Because people-" he motioned at Selene- "on their first trip in the TARDIS often grab onto it and I find that coats slip off of it when they are gripped tightly and trusted to maintain your vertical orientation. The coatrack, however, is part of the floor. And scarves are often good ropes."

"Why don't you fall down?" Selene asked the Doctor, still clutching the coatrack for dear life.

He grinned. "I'm used to it. And I hold on." The shaking and the central column's light both stopped. The Doctor let go of the console and walked down the platform's steps. "You two can let go now. We've landed." Katherine and Selene tentatively released their grips in the objects that were preserving their balance. The Doctor grabbed his coat again. "I don't know why I took it off," he said to himself. "I was just bound to put it on again to go out." He began to open the from door.

"Wait!" cried Selene. "Isn't that thing out there?"

The Doctor turned to look at her. "No, Mrs. Rox. We've moved." He pulled the doors wide open, revealing not the alleyway, but instead a busy street with cars zooming past on the street itself and people hurrying past on the sidewalk. The Roxes slowly exited the box, cautious in case of the Torren attacking. No such thing occurred. The Doctor closed the doors behind him and leaned against them, hands in his pockets.

"We most certainly are not in the same place we were in," Selene said.

"Well, you're not wrong," said the Doctor, probably sarcastically, but Selene couldn't tell.

"But where are we?" Katherine asked.

"King Street, I believe." The Doctor pulled his blue whistling humming thing out again and made it glow blue and whistle-hum. He waved it around as if it were a detector or something, and then glanced at it. It stopped glowing and whistle-humming. He tucked it back into his inside left pocket. "Follow me," he commanded, setting off at a fast clip along the sidewalk. Katherine and Selene followed him.

"What's that thing?" Katherine asked.

"What thing?" he replied distractedly.

"Your glowing whistling humming thing," clarified Selene.

"My sonic screwdriver." He turned into the doorway of an office building, opened the door, and strode in. Katherine and Selene glanced at each other and followed him.

They found him speaking to the woman at the security desk. "...floor eight private offices?"

The woman nodded. "Yes. Have you got an appointment with one of them?"

"No," answered the Doctor. "I'm inspecting the one in eight forty-three."

The woman looked at him doubtfully. "Will they let you up?"

The Doctor nodded and gestured at the Roxes. "And these are my assistants."

The woman sighed. "Show me some identification and I'll ring them up on the desk telephone."

The Doctor pulled a black identification card holder out of his pocket, flipped it open, and showed it to her. The woman frowned.   
"'Earth Division Torrel Inspector'? What's that? Sounds like a joke to me."

The Doctor shook his head. "Ring them up and read it to them. They'll let me up."

The woman looked doubtful, but picked up the desk telephone. "Hello, office eight forty-three?... Yes, you have a visitor... He says he has identification... 'Earth Division Torrel Inspector'... Yes, alright, have a nice day." She hung up. "They said come up."

"Good," said the Doctor. "Er...could you point us to the lifts?"

The woman pointed down a hallway. "That way. I...hope your inspection goes well."

"You too," the Doctor said distractedly. He beckoned to the Roxes. "Come on, we haven't got all day. Well, maybe we have. I don't think so."

The Roxes followed him, Selene whispering to Katherine, "He's a bit mad, don't you think?" Katherine shrugged.

The Doctor pressed the button on the wall and one of the lifts' doors opened. They all entered, and the doors slid shut behind them.

"You're an Earth Division Torrel Inspector?" Katherine asked. "That seems rather specialised."

"No," said the Doctor, "I'm not an inspector of any kind, though I do seem to have to pretend to be one quite a bit."

"Show me the card," Selene ordered. The Doctor flipped open the identification thing and showed it to her. Selene frowned. "A library card of an old man? That's not the same as a card identifying you as a 'Torrel Inspector'."

The Doctor glanced at it. "Oh. That's my library card." He showed it to her again.

"How did you do that?" she asked.

"Do what?"

"You know what I mean, change the card in there."

"It's psychic paper; shows what I want it to."

The lift dinged and stopped moving. The doors opened, and they all exited. The Roxes followed the Doctor down the corridor.

"Why, exactly, are we following him again?" Selene asked her wife.

"Because the Torren was trying to eat you and I'm trying to keep it in check, that's why," said the Doctor.

"I wasn't asking you," Selene told him.

"It's a good reason, nonetheless," Katherine remarked.

The Doctor stopped at a door marked '843' and knocked on it. The door opened almost immediately. A man in a suit stood there. He beckoned. "Come in, Inspector."

The Doctor and the Roxes entered. The man closed the door behind them and sat down behind the desk with the other two people.

"Please sit," the woman said.

The man who had not opened the door leaned forward and said, "You're not the Inspector. Did he get replaced?"

The Doctor shook his head. "I'm not the Inspector. I've come to talk to you about a rogue Torren who was trying to eat my friends here."

"Who said we were your friends?" Selene asked him.

"I did," he said, and did not elaborate.

The Torren who had opened the door said, "Although you are not the Inspector, that is reason enough for us to let you stay. Please sit. I am Dhrycal of the house of Tacari."

"I am Karkari of the house of Dshella," said the woman.

"I am Malchayrm of the house of Yralm," said the other man.

The Doctor and the Roxes sat in the chairs on the near side of the desk, the Roxes on the edges of their seats in case they suddenly needed to spring up--they were nervous of the Torren, but Katherine more for Selene's sake. The Doctor, however, sat comfortably toward the back of his chair.

"A rogue Torren?" Karkari asked. "What colour were the lights on its translator belt?"

"Green," replied the Doctor.

Both Dhrycal and Karkari looked at Malchayrm, who covered his face with his hands in embarrassment, groaning, "Why is it always the Yralm who go rogue on Earth? Which one was he?"

The Doctor said, "I don't know how you tell."

"He went by Theo," offered Katherine.

Malchayrm looked up in surprise. "Theo? That name is registered to a Torren named Thyrahn. I didn't think he'd ever go rogue."

"Well, apparently he has," said the Doctor dryly.

"Who are you, anyway?" Dhrycal asked.

"I'm the Doctor," said the Doctor.

"So you said," said Karkari. "Would Carameksyr know who you are?"

"Records Torren?" mused the Doctor. "Yes, probably."

"Carameksyr!" called Dhrycal.

A door in the side of the room opened and a young woman slipped out, holding a stack of papers inside as she closed the door again. "Hello," she greeted, pushing her unruly black hair out of her face. "Would you be needing documentation? I am scribe Carameksyr of the house of Dshella."

"Carameksyr, do you know who the Doctor is?" Karkari asked.

A piece of paper slipped out from the crack of the door. Carameksyr turned, slid it back inside, and commanded, "Computer, seal the door. The bloody papers are getting out again." There was a 'thnk' as the door sealed. She turned around again and took up a stance similar to that of a schoolchild reciting something. "The Doctor is a Time Lord from the planet Gallifrey in the constellation Kasterborous. He did not pass the test to acquire a TARDIS, so instead stole one. His TARDIS's chameleon circuit is broken, sticking it permanently in the form of an English police telephone box from the 1960's. He has mixed relations with the Time Lords, sometimes positive, usually negative. He is said, mainly by himself, to be the only Time Lord to survive the Time War. That fact is still in dispute. Would you like me to continue?"

"No," the Doctor said hurriedly. "How do you know all of that?"

"My brain is connected to the main Torren database," Carameksyr replied, dropping out of her reciting stance. "By the way, you can fix your chameleon circuit by-"

"I know how to fix my chameleon circuit," he interrupted. "I just don't want to."

"A Time Lord in our office!" marvelled Karkari. "Should we have prepared for this?"

The Doctor shook his head. "No need. It's alright, as long as the rogue is dealt with."

Malchayrm sunk lower in his chair. "I can't believe it was a Time Lord who discovered my rogue. We'll deal with him right away."

"Forgive me, but aren't Time Lords supposed to refrain from interfering?" Dhrycal asked.

"He does nothing but interfere," Carameksyr said. "If you'll excuse me, I must return to my office. There are sixteen documentations that I need to complete by eight this evening, which shouldn't be too much of a problem as things go right now."

"Alright, Carameksyr. You know you're the most important of us here," Karkari told her.

Carameksyr smiled slightly and turned to the door. "Unseal the door, computer." She opened the door, holding the papers inside as she had when exiting. The door shut again and sealed with a 'thnk'.

"Your databases are good, if that was all in it," the Doctor remarked. "I may have to do another database wipe soon. I'd better be off, too. Things to do, you know, places to see."

"Goodbye, Time Lord," Malchayrm said, still sounding embarrassed.

"Ah, Malchayrm, no need to be embarrassed," the Doctor said, standing and straightening his coat. The Roxes also stood. "It wasn't your fault Theo went rogue," the Doctor continued. "It was entirely his."

"Thank you for not blaming me," Malchayrm said, still half-hiding under the desk.

The Doctor turned and opened the door for the Roxes. They exited, the Time Lord following them.

In the lift, Katherine asked him, "Time Lord?"

He nodded. "Time Lord."

"What's that?" Selene asked.

"Well, Mrs. Rox, a Time Lord is a person from the planet Gallifrey. We travel around time and space, not allowed to interfere, although I break that rule all the time, and they were all lost in the Time War. Except for me. And the Master. But he's..." He trailed off as the lift dinged and the doors opened.

"He's what?" asked Katherine as they exited into the lobby.

"Never mind," replied the Doctor.

"How did your inspection go?" the woman at the front desk asked.

"Well, thank you," replied the Doctor. "We may be back later."

"Oh, alright," the woman said, sounding perplexed.

The Roxes and the Doctor exited the building. "We need to get to the TARDIS," the Doctor said. "Then we can catch Theo and take him to them."

"I thought you were going to leave him to them," Katherine said.

The Doctor shook his head. "No. They've got a lot to do as it is."

"Then why did you tell them to deal with him?"

"I don't deal with Torren often, to be honest. Their offices are relatively good at handling their rogues."

When the blue box was in sight, the Doctor suddenly stopped. "Itami!"

"What?" asked Katherine, she and Selene stopping as well.

"He's leaning against the TARDIS."

"Who is? And what's itami mean?"

"It's Japanese for skunks, and Theo, Katherine. Theo is leaning against the TARDIS."

"Wouldn't people notice a great big black thing leaning against a blue box?" Katherine asked.

"No," answered the Doctor. "He's in human form."

"You haven't even seen him in human form!" Selene exclaimed. "How do you know what he looks like?"

The Doctor scoffed. "I have an idea of what I'm looking for." He pointed. Katherine and Selene looked. It was definitely Theo who stood leaning against the blue box.

"Why does your box say police? Are you with the police? I've got a lawyer," Katherine said half-jokingly, grabbing her wife's hand.

"No, I'm not with the police," the Doctor said. "Sometimes I'm with UNIT, but sometimes I don't know."

"UNIT," Katherine mused. "UNIT once offered me a job. I don't want to work for the government."

"She should have taken it; it was a good job," Selene commented.

"Shush, love," Katherine told her.

"UNIT offered you a job?" the Doctor asked.

"Young man," Katherine said, adopting a manner of mock scholarly stuffiness, "you are standing in the presence of an explosives expert."

The Doctor looked back at the box. "We should probably go," he said.

"Go where?" Selene asked.

He frowned. "Good question. I don't know. Maybe we should go back to the Torrel office."

"Why would we do that?" Selene asked.

"To tell them we'd deal with him, I guess."

There was a roar and several human screams.

"Skunks, skunks, skunks! He's seen you! Run!" the Doctor shouted.

"Where to?" Selene shouted back.

"Torrel office! Tell anyone you meet to hide, or it'll eat them! Go!"

Katherine and Selene set off running back toward the building with the Torrel office. The Doctor charged towards the Torren, shouting at the nearby humans, "Run! It won't pursue you; it has specific prey that are that way!" He pointed the way the Roxes went.

Most of the humans scattered, except for a few who had fallen down. One of these unfortunate fallen humans had been too near the Torren, and it bent down and swallowed the human whole. The Doctor shuddered.

"Thyrahn!" he shouted.

Thyrahn looked at him. "How do you know my name? I've barely met you."

"London Torrel Office. I reported you."

Thyrahn hissed. "You shouldn't have done that." The Doctor saw Thyrahn's legs contract and sprang to the side as the Torren leapt at him. He swivelled and saw it land on four feet. It stood on two feet again and turned to face him. "I'll get you before you get to that box, human."

The Doctor snorted. "Human? No. I'm far from it. Do you know what that box is?"

"A teleporter," Thyrahn growled.

The Doctor laughed. "No. Not just a teleporter. A time-space machine. A-"

"TARDIS," growled Thyrahn. "No, you are no human. You're a Time Lord."

The Doctor reached into his pocket and pulled out his sonic. It began to glow blue and emit a sound, but not one that humans, or even Time Lords, could hear. The Torren could hear it, though, and it screeched and covered its head with its front claws. The Doctor ran to the TARDIS, snapping his fingers to open the doors. They opened, creaking, and he dashed inside, slamming them behind him and letting the sonic's noise stop. There was a heavy thump at the door as the Torren flung itself against it.

"Come out, Time Lord!" it howled.

"If you wish to find me, Thyrahn, I'll be at the Torrel office!" the Doctor shouted back, and he ran to the console.

The Torren watched as the box faded out of its place in space and time, its light glowing and its engines making their wheezing groaning noise. The Torren lightly stroked its belt with its claws. Its form flickered and turned back into that of Theo. He sniffed and turned around. "Time to make an office call."

••••

Katherine and Selene burst through the doors of the office building. The security woman looked up, seeming surprised. "Back again? And so soon?"

Selene nodded, panting, "We need to get back up there."

"I have to call them again, you know," the woman said.

Selene nodded again. "Do."

The woman picked up the desk phone. "Hello, office eight forty-three?... The two women are back. No sign of the inspector. They want to come up... Thank you." She hung up. "Go up."

Katherine and Selene dashed to the lifts and pressed the button to summon one. One of the doors opened immediately.

"Goodness, quite the hurry," they heard the desk woman remark as the lift doors slid shut behind them.

The voyage up in the lift seemed to take forever with the Roxes' worry for the Doctor and their fear of the rogue Torren, but finally they arrived at the eighth floor.

"Eight forty-three... This way, yes?" Selene asked her wife, pointing.

Katherine nodded. "Six doors down, I think."

It was, indeed, six doors down. Katherine knocked on the door, and, almost before she had finished knocking, Dhrycal opened it.

"Ah, hello. You're back again. Where's the Doctor?" Karkari asked.

"Well, see, that's the problem," Selene explained. "He's confronting Theo outside his TARDIS."

Malchayrm grabbed a book from the desk, opened it, and stuck his face in it as if he were a little kid pretending he was reading.

Karkari 'tsk'ed. "Malchayrm. It's not your fault. Take that book off of your face."

Katherine peered at the cover. "Why do you have a book about...um...texts from cats...on your desk? What kind of business are you posing as?"

"Wealth management," Karkari said. "Dhrycal bought the books on the desk."

"Is that weird?" Dhrycal asked. "Do wealth management offices on Earth not usually have books about texts from cats?"

"No," Katherine said. "Whatever gave you that idea?"

"Carameksyr," Dhrycal said, turning to glare at the Records Torren's locked door. There was a laugh from the paper-stuffed room. Carameksyr had obviously been listening in. "I thought you considered yourself too...intellectual to joke."

"Usually, yes," came Carameksyr's voice. "That's why it's better when I do."

Dhrycal huffed, ushered the Roxes in to sit, and closed the office door.

"Carameksyr, are the security protocols for a rogue Torren in place and ready to go?" Karkari called.

Carameksyr opened the door slightly and looked out. "Yes, ma'am. Shall I activate them?" Karkari nodded. The door closed again. A slight buzzing began to emanate from it.

Another noise also began, startling everyone. A wheezing groaning noise. The room was suddenly lit with a strange blue light and a big blue box-the TARDIS-faded into existence.

"Holy..." Karkari breathed.

Malchayrm seemed to forget the book he was holding, lowering it from his face, staring at the box.

"A TARDIS," said Dhrycal in astonishment.

"Does everyone know about these things except us?" Selene muttered to her wife. Katherine shrugged.

Carameksyr's door opened. "Humans and Torrel, you are witnessing the arrival of the last known TARDIS in the universe," she announced.

The wheezing groaning noise stopped; the blue light dimmed; the windows of the box glowed serenely. The door opened, hinges creaking in the suddenly silent office, and the strange Scottish alien--the Doctor--emerged.

"Oh, hello, Roxes. Glad you made it back here," he greeted. "And why is everyone... Ah. Sexy."

Katherine and Selene shared a confused glance.

"Sexy?" Malchayrm ventured.

The Doctor's face coloured. "That's...ah...that's what I call her when we're alone," he explained, patting the side of his TARDIS. "We've been alone for quite a while, so I've...gotten used to it." The box's door swung shut, once again creaking. He glanced briefly at it, then back at them. "I suspect that Thyrahn will be back here soon. Do you have protocols for dealing with a hostile rogue in your office?"

Karkari nodded. "They were initiated shortly before you entered. If you had done so through the front door, you would have been caught in them. But you didn't, so you were not."

The Doctor inclined his head. "Yes. And what will happen when he enters?"

"He will be unable to leave and he will be forced to remain in human form until the protocols are lifted," Carameksyr said from her doorway.

The Doctor clapped once. "That's good! He should be here in-" he glanced at his wrist, which was not wearing a watch- "about two minutes. Ooh, is that one of those texts from cats books? Can I see it? I always find those interesting."

Malchayrm handed it to him. "Keep it."

The several-thousand-year-old Time Lord accepted it with a gleeful grin and a "yay, thank you!"

Selene rolled her eyes and told Katherine, "I never found those things good at all."

"I know," Katherine asserted. "You don't need to tell me."

There was a sharp rap at the door and Theo's angry voice said, "Let me in."

The Doctor looked up from the book, tucking it inside his coat pocket. "That was sooner than expected."

"Come in," Karkari invited. "Why didn't Tessa ring? You didn't hurt her, did you?"

The door opened and Theo entered with an inhuman snarl, even though he was still in human form. "I devoured her whole."

Dhrycal sniffed. "That's rude."

Theo snarled again, baring his very human-ish teeth. "And you're keeping my prey from me. That's even more rude."

Selene reached out quietly and gripped her wife's hand. Katherine squeezed Selene's hand gently, intertwining her fingers with Selene's.

"But now they're trapped," Theo continued. "And the only ways out are the door behind me and the box. I shall not allow them to reach either, and I shall devour the Time Lord for hurting my ears with his sonic device." His form flickered, vanished, and reappeared, but still in human form rather than the Torrel form he had intended. Theo growled, his hands clenching into fists. "Damned officials. I'll kill you, too."

"Carameksyr," Karkari ordered, "close your office door and do not open it until we've dealt with him. You two humans, get in there as well."

Katherine shook her head. "No. He chased us here. We're going to stay out here."

Selene nodded. "That's right. And besides, if it's safe enough for him-" she gestured at the Doctor- "out here, we'll probably be alright."

The Doctor grinned. "Good. You learn fast. Maybe I'll give you a trip."

They heard Carameksyr's door click closed and then seal. Theo took a step towards Katherine and Selene.

Dhrycal moved to stand between him and them. "Thyrahn," he warned, "at the moment your sentence merely stands at relocation. If you try something, it can be elevated to the death sentence."

Theo took another step towards him. Dhrycal immediately dropped into a fighting stance.

The Doctor groaned. "Can't anyone ever get anything done without fighting?" he asked rhetorically.

"Dhrycal," Malchayrm warned, "to give you fair warning, Thyrahn was first in formed combat in Yralm in our year at the Academy."

"I was second in Tacari," Dhrycal said. "I've at least a shot."

The Doctor, looking bored, wandered over to stand between the two Torrel and stuck his hands in his pockets. "This has gone on long enough," he said.

Theo growled and lunged at him. The Doctor ducked around him and hit the back of Theo's neck. Theo collapsed to the ground, unconscious.

Dhrycal stood up straight. "What was that?" he asked, voicing everyone's thoughts.

"Venusian Aikido," the Doctor said, crouching next to Theo. "He should be awake in a minute or so. I didn't hit him very hard. He'll be pretty dizzy, though."

"Carameksyr, you can come out. We're...um...done now," Karkari called.

Carameksyr's door opened. "The Doctor, a master of Venusian Aikido," she proclaimed. "If someone restrains the rogue, I'll deal with him."

The Doctor stood, rooted in his pocket, and pulled out a set of handcuffs. "Will these do?"

Selene blinked. "Where'd you get those?"

He shrugged. "Last time I got arrested, probably."

"What did you get arrested for?" asked Katherine.

The Doctor shrugged again. "Kidnapping a bus, I think."

Dhrycal strode over to him, took the handcuffs, and handcuffed Theo. "It won't do much but stop him changing from human form."

Theo groaned, his eyelids fluttering. "I...hate you...Time Lord..."

The Doctor smiled pleasantly down at him. "Join the club. Well, I'm not in it. I don't think anyone else in here is. Is there actually a club? With sign-ups and snacks and things? Oh, snacks! Does anyone have any snacks? I have a sudden craving for a bit of chocolate. 'Hate the Doctor Club'. Quite a big one. You'll have company!"

Carameksyr entered the room and hauled Theo up by the back of his shirt collar. "You're going up to the General Jurisdiction Base ship. And Dhrycal is wrong: you are going to be executed. Or did he forget you ate our desk lady?"

"Twelve," Theo growled. "I ate twelve people."

The Doctor clapped his hands and turned to the Roxes. "I'll give you two one trip in my TARDIS to wherever you like. One trip, mind you, I don't need companions," he said, the last sentence seemingly to himself. "As a sort of apology for your friend actually being a big alien who wants to eat you," he added.

Katherine and Selene glanced at one another, then back at the Doctor. Both nodded. He grinned and snapped his fingers. The TARDIS door opened and he beckoned them in.

_A/N: Ending credits!_

This season on _Doctor Who_ :

The Doctor hiding behind a tree. "We can't let him see us."

Selene reading an engraving on a stone wall. "Hickory dickory dock, the mouse ran up the clock..."

Katherine fiddling with the circuit board of a spaceship computer.

A little kid in bed with the covers pulled up to his chin.

A fox running up to the Doctor, turning into a woman, and bowing in greeting.

A tree with 'CROATOAN' engraved upon its bark.

Selene dressed as a Victorian lady going hunting and Katherine as her lady's maid.

Metal feet, stomping on linoleum tiles.

A grey stone wing, connected to something outside the frame.

The TARDIS console, smoking heavily.

A dark, indistinct figure, flickering in and out of visibility.

The base of a Dalek, view slowly panning up to its dome. "EX-TER-MIN-ATE!"


End file.
